Today I Fell In Love

...with a shop vac.

Yes, boys and gurls, ladies and ladies, when I understood the power of this tool - when I experienced the exhilaration - when I saw with my own eyes how the suction cleared the plaster dust, wood shavings, sawdust, and random nails from...well...every possible surface... My heart melted. They always say "lick don't suck" (well, we gurls say this) but, believe you me, there are exceptions to this rule.

I was unable to help myself from imagining the way my entire living room - nay! Perhaps my stairs, the second floor landing would look in a week or so after all the work is DONE!! I was awash in serotonin.

Then I discovered...extensions. I tried at least three and they ALL worked miracles of which I never could dreamt last week when I walked into my house immediately after they knocked down the wall between the DR and the LV. It was morning in America. Life seemed worth living again.

Possibilities opened up: If I could accomplish all of this in an afternoon what did that mean for - could I hope?!?!?! - hooking up my satellite tee vee???

If you can dream it you can be it! Yes We Can Yes We Can Yes We Can!!

Wiping with a wet cloth, then wiping with a dry cloth (like Dawn told me to do) I excavated first my bookshelves - powering through more plaster dust and sawdust and using those cloths until, after an hour or so, I had brought my electronic equipment back to its original luster. (These items had been under cover but, for the purposes of exaggerated storytelling I'm, well, exaggerating...)

Could I successfully bring back 100 channels and nothing on without calling DISH Networks' Help Line? With my shop vac beside me I methodically connected this to that, dusted of this bit of coax and screwed it into that receptor and - angels flying close to the ground - soon I was watching The Obama Express on CNN and, during commercials on CNN, re-runs of 3rd Rock From the Sun on TVLand and when commercials came on that channel, back to the Obama Express. What more could I want?

In keeping with my construction-like surroundings (what am I saying? My surroundings are construction in REALITY) I mixed myself a screwdriver, positioned the shop vac where I could glance lovingly over at it, at will, filled with gratitude, and took a seat in a chair I'd cleaned off.

I've only now surfaced to share my joy and will be returning, in a twinkling, to 3rd Rock From the Sun. For the time being I'm ignoring those tiny voices coming from my left shoulder that observe about how "100 channels and nothing on" might be closer to the truth than I'd allowed ten days ago when my access to tee vee was first interrupted.

After all, since I'm able to channel surf to CNN I've learned that the Obama's are installed in the Blair House - now that that evil son of a bitch Dick Chaney has finally pissed away enough of his wickedness and allowed The President Elect and His Family to moved out of a hotel and into The Blair House - and that there are Inauguration activities starting tomorrow which I can now watch.

And, oh yeah, the Israelis announced a unilateral cease fire now that their Knight in Shining Armour is moving back to Texas in two days thank you Jesus. Like that's any great surprise. I was more than a little surprised, though, when Ehud Olmert sincerely assured the people of Gaza that the Israelis were not their enemies. Like, wow! How GW Bush of him!

Okay, I could go on...it's probably a good thing not to. I'm missing 3rd Rock. And, icing on the cake, I can sleep as long as I want - first time for this in ten days - tomorrow a.m. I wonder if I can get the shop vac upstairs????

Signing off now.